When The Party's Over, How Will I Get Home?

I have that reputation. I'm a high school cliche, in most peoples eyes, and even in my own.

I'm the girl that helps everyone with everything. When your boyfriend dumps you, my shoulder comes out of no where, and is ready to soak up the tears.

Don't understand your biology homework? Come on over to Zo's desk, and she'll explain it too ya!

I get good grades for my parents to say "My daughter's straight A."

And that's great. I love making people happy and helping them feel better, and making my parents proud. There is a downside, because the other end of the cliche is that "I'm there for everyone, but no one is there for me."

When my heart hurts, no one knows what to say. When I don't know the answer, no one else does.  When I get a B, no one cuts me any slack.

I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, where's the fairness in that? I give my everything, and get not help in return. I don't want a friggin parade or anything. I just want support when I need it too. Is that so much to ask? I don't think so. It doesn't take much energy for me to help everyone.

Today's blog title is pretty fitting, huh? It's a line from a Christina Perri song. (She's the Jar of Hearts girl) The song's called Sad Song. It fits this occasion nicely.

-Zo

Oh How I Wish My Life Could Be, Zero Gravity

I always seem to be tripping myself. Yet I'm also always competing with myself. Well I guess not myself really, but other expectations of me. I'm supposed to be straight A, college bound, future changer of the world. At least according to my Mom. I'm not sure if that is  me anymore though. You see, I've grown up a lot over the summer. Like I said before, I don't act and think like a 14 year old girl. I never have really.

Anyways, back to tripping myself, I have a lot of fears. A fear of speaking my mind, even though I have a big opinion. A fear of asking for help. A horrible fear of failing, and not being good enough. A fear of my GPA slipping, or a B finding it's way onto my report card. I'm afraid of letting go, and being the person I want to be, instead of the "pleasing everyone" kind of girl I am.

I wrote a song yesterday. On the front steps of a church two blocks from my house. I got upset and stormed off. Before i knew it I had a verse and a chorus. Picture a really rocked up tempo in your head.

Whenever I rise above the ground
I always feel myself crashing down
It's this stupid law of physics
That requires a lot of doctors visits

One moment I'm soaring to great heights,
The next I gotta get up and fight
Just once I'd like life to be,
Zero Gravity
Oh
Zero gravity
I'll always wonder as I wander,
But in my heart,
The thought grows fonder
Oh How I wish my life could be,
Zero Gravity

Every Tear Drop Is A Waterfall

I apologize for the depressing posts I've been writing lately. Nothings been going my way as of late, and I've been venting about it all on here. That's not fair. You don't want to read about all of that!

Something I've realized lately, is that no one really sees 100% of me. At school you see 40% of the real Zoey Noel. At home, my family gets about 60%. What's that other 40% NO one sees you ask? Well that's a pure, untouched part of myself that I only see. Those are my thoughts, my unshared dreams, the quick wit and dry humor that doesn't show up on my twitter account or formspring. A part of me, I keep to myself because the world isn't ready for the entire Zoey yet. The only other person who maybe is, is well... my Joe Jonas cut out. He knows all my deep dark secrets.

I think I'm going to share one of those on here now, just because I trust you guys. But if a super judgemental plastic from my school reads this, then I'm screwed. I;m willing to take that risk though.

In my search for the real Zoey Noel, I discovered an odd fact about myself. If I had the pain tolerance, I'd love a tattoo. Not one of those cheesy cliche ones. Not mermaids, eagles, or "mom" hearts. Something that actually means something. Not act of defiance, or a reason to put cool art on my body Song lyrics. A Jonas quote. Words basically. Words are easy, and beautiful. I love to write words, and make something with them. A story. A picture may be worth 1000 words, but 100 words are worth so much more then a picture.

Does that make sense? Of course not! This is Almost O'Hara! Nothing on this website EVER makes sense! That's because I'm writing it, and this is my life.

Peace and blessings,

Stay Classy,

Zoey O'Hara Layne

PS (Like my stage name?)

PSS Do you like the blog title? I dig Coldplay. Did you know they're this generation's Radiohead? :p

I Can't. I'm Sorry, But I Can't

Today is one of those rip your hair out, and then go sob in the corner kind of days. I feel like a horrible person, and I feel sick to my stomach. I hate everything right now. This whole problem is because that title up there ^^^^^ is something I need to tell a person. If he doesn't just fully let go, I can't either. We're not being very fair to each other. If he keeps this up, there will be more days like today. When the guilt builds and builds, and then the dam bursts. I'm  the one left feeling guilty, while he just has heartache. It's a twisted circle I don't think I can stand anymore.

I'm the "you" in this song lyric.  I hurt him, and now whenever I say 'He's my brother! Gross! Incest is wrong you guys!' I twist the knife I put in his heart two years ago just a little bit more.

Maybe I'm over reacting, and he's fines. I know if the situation was reversed, I'd be feeling like that. It's days like today when I need an older sister to talk to, instead of a friend who's advice is, "Just go out with him and live happily ever after" (Obviously, she doesn't understand that the feeling isn't mutual)

When Will My Life Begin?

I'm a Disney freak. I LOVE all Disney movies, but my favorite has to be Tangled. it's just so... I don't really know how to describe it! It is my dream to play Rapunzel in the Broadway production of Tangled. I can already sing all of the songs. I would also settle, whoever, for being Rapunzel at Disneyland. It would be equally AMAZING! I'd get to do this everyday!

AHH! I think that would be so cool!

Today, I discover Disney Couture. It's a bunch of really cool collector stuff, with really cool drawings of the Disney princesses. Wondering what I want for my birthday? A Rapunzel doll or a Belle, and pretty much, EVERYTHING ON THAT WEBSITE!

Where Are We?

Yesterday, my family decided to take a 45 minute drive to Enterprise for the Corn Festival they have every year. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be as much fun as my parents thought it would be.
I was right.

When we get there, we get yelled at by hillbillies about bringing our dog to the park. Then we bring my dog to the park, and the first thing he does is poop. My dad forgot to bring baggies, so we searched the place for any trash we could use to pick it up. We founds something, and after my dad picked it up, we realized there weren't any trash cans near by. So my dad had to put it in the porta-potty. This should 've been our first sign that the day wasn't going as planned.

We decide to bail, and get lunch as this really awesome burger place called Marv's. My mom and I went inside to buy the food, and were told there was a 45 minute wait for takeout. So we left, and decided to buy chips and drinks and stuff at a connivance store down the road. This was our second sign to turn around, and just go home.

Then we went to the lake. I hate the lake, so I sat in the car most of the time and caught up on my reading assignment for English. There was a bee outside that kept bugging my sister and Mom. I decided to go outside and bug them, because my sister and I had gotten in a fight earlier that day. I turned my iPod up full blast and started singing Kleptomaniac by Joe Jonas at the top of my lungs. Then, I went back in the car. Five minutes later, my mom screamed an ran in the car. The bee stung her in  the hand. This was her first bee sting by a live bee. That was our third and final warning, but again we ignored it.

"Let's take the back way home." My dad suggested. We all liked that idea. My dad knew the area pretty well, and we figured he could take us home okay. We were wrong. We drove around all day. We were hopelessly lost. Then, a small cloud came out of nowhere, and it started pouring rain. We has to pull over because it was so muddy we woud've gotten stuck. Then it started to hail, and my parents were getting scared. We were lost. It was pouring rain, and it was going to get dark in three hours.

We had seen tracks on a road a couple miles before, and we decided they must've been ours, so after the rain stopped, we started following the tracks, and we ran into Eugene. "You lost too?" He asked.

"Yeah. We were thinking this was the way back to Enterprise, so that's where we're headed." My dad replied.

"Oh no!" Eugene's wife said quickly. "That leads to a cliff with three cows on the end, and six feet of water underneath."

Our jaws dropped. Where the heck were we!?

Eugene seemed to know where we were, and he said we could follow him. He lead us into Slaughter Creek, and onto the main road. We were safe! Seven hours after leaving the lake, we were safe. It was so strange. If we hadn't have found Eugene, who knows how long we could've been out there.

I'm not a very religious person, despite the fact that I live in Utah. I was so freaked out about the prospect of spending the night in the car in the middle of no where, eating juice boxes and potato chips for dinner that I prayed. That's very out of character for me. I just prayed for us to be guided home safely, and about 15 minutes later we ran into Eugene. That was the first time in my life I've prayed, and gotten an immediate answer.

So that was my crazy adventure to the Corn Festival. And the biggest bummer, WE DIDN'T EVEN BUY ANY CORN!

-Zo

I Feel The Pain All Over My Body

When Joe Jonas sang I'm Sorry earlier this week, i was so excited. The second time I listened to it, I started bawling like a baby and thinking, "Joseph Adam Jonas, when did you start reading my mind?" I can relate directly to every single lyric on that song, which is different for me. I've never felt that before. If the songs about Demi (not that I really care, this is just an example) then I can relate to it in such an extreme way.

I was never a 'Jemi' supporter because I knew exactly what he was doing, the moment they confirmed they were dating. He gave in. Having a best friend that has a crush on you, is a delicate thing to deal with. Especially if the feelings aren't mutual. When I was younger, my guy best friend told me several times that he was sick of being just friend, He was "in love with me" as much as a 5th grader can be in love. Things became so awkward between us, I gave in and decided to try it. I hoped he'd either realize I wasn't right for him, or I would somehow start to feel the same.

Neither of those things happened. And a year later, we were in middle school, and things were changing. Couples were holding hands and hugging, not playing all the time at recess.That's when I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep leading him on. It wasn't fair to either of us. So I broke it off. He pretended he understood, but I know he didn't. He was angry, and hurt.

Things have never been the same between us. There's a small, awkward wall we've both built. I quietly tell him about the guys in my life, and he brags about the girls in his.  At school, I'm known as "the girl who dumped ______ in the sixth grade for a punk ass skater. Which isn't really true.

I can't stand the super Jemi fans, because they remind me of some of my friends that always say I'll end up marrying my guy best friend because deep down we're still in love.  We're not. He's my best friend, and nothing more. I hate when people tell us we should get back together. I don't want too. I love him as a friend. I can't love him the way he might love me.

That's What I Go To School For

Well, school started on Monday. This week has made me sad. My summer is over. Now I have to be in school, with honors classes, no fun electives, and only one special someone who's "What I go to school for." Jonas fans will get the pun. I hate school, because i hate the social aspect of things. I'm shy, and nerdy, and I just have a hard time.

Ugh, I've been such a whiner this week. My poor followers on Twitter has to listen to my rants everyday, and now I'm dumping this junk on my blog readers too.

Sorry the whole v-log thing never worked out. My camera is broken at the moment, so I can't upload pictures or videos. I'm sorry!

Stay Classy

-Zo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JOSEPH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

So, if you couldn't tell, today is Joe Jonas' 22nd birthday! I'm so proud of him, and how far he's come over the past few years. He's no longer the crazy, goofy, adorable 18 year old he was when I became a fan on The Best of Both Worlds tour. There's no more purity rings and skinny jeans (as sad as that is)

He's a grown up now, and he's come such a long way. He's finally telling his side of the story with Fastlife hitting the shelves October 11th. (I know the date changed. I don't want to get into THAT right now though)

I mean look at this!



That was on the tour where I first saw them. He was just barely 18.

This is him now...



So yep, there ya go. Stay classy all.

-Zo

Whoa!

So, I can't believe this blog has over 1,000 page views.  I'm feeling like Nick Jonas right now, blessed! This blog has really just been a venting tool for me, and a way to share my thoughts with my friends. Even though hardly any of my real life friends check this place out. (From what I can gather) Thank you so much! I'm thinking of maybe doing a V-blog later this weekend, just because I can? Okay. i think I'm going too. Before school starts on Monday.  So check back later. And thank you so much! :'D

Stay Classy,

-Zo

Always

So, last night I went to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. It was so strange, when it ended. I wasn't on the edge of my seat, wondering what the next movie would have in store. It was over, and it had a really nice ending.

I've never been much of a "Potterhead" really. I like the movies, but I've never gotten to a point where I actually wanted to read the books. I tried a couple times, but I never could do it .Everyone says I'm missing out, but what's the point, now that I know how it ends

While I was watching the movie, and Ron and Hermoine (SP?) had that big kiss in the Chamber of Secrets I cried a little, I'm not gonna lie. I just thought it was so ironic that such a tender moment happened in there. When I saw the second movie, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets I cried because I was so scared. I was probably six or seven when I saw it, so don't think I'm a total wimp. The snake speaking scared the ju-ju-bees out of me. It still makes me shudder a little, even now.

It was weird that a movie franchise that's been so, part of everything for a decade is just... over. I don't know. I'm not that sad about it. It just seems so, strange. Ugh, nevermind. I don't even understand myself.

Peace, Love, Jonas,

Zo

Like a Bullet Through the Chest....

Today's just one of those days. You know the ones. Where you pour a bowl of cereal, head over to grab the milk, and your out? Yep, That's today.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately. (Insomnia is great for that) I've always known I was different. I'm an outsider. I always have been. I was mostly a loner in elementary school. That is, until fourth grade when I met my best friend, but that's beside the point. Being alone, I think it... matures you in a way. You don't have friends to remind you how a proper third grader thinks, and you begin to drift off into 5ht grade, maybe even sixth grade thoughts. I do that now, only I think it's to a point where I think like an adult.

When I write, my characters are usually in their early 20's. Romance works best at that age, because it can be serious. Also, that's how old the Jonas brothers are, and since I usually write fanfiction, it helps if the girls are the same age as the brother they're paired up with. This, makes me think more like an adult. Or at least, a young adult. It's come top make me realize, my parents your parents, everyone's parents have a love story that started in their 20's. they were young and in love once. Us, as their kids, we're just pieces of a love story.

This has made me see adults more as equals then adults. When I was on vacation, I caught little moments where my parents seemed young and in love again. When I was little, I used to be grossed out if my parents ever kissed in front of me. Now, I don't mind. I realize that they once got butterflies when they looked at each other. Maybe they felt a spark when they first touched. My parent's love story is a love story. They won't tell me all of it, I'm not quite sure why some of the things  I don't know about are being kept from me when I ask. I think their story has more pain then I'm expecting, and that's why. I wish I knew though.

I love writing romance, because love is so fascinating. I've never been in it, but I have had my heart broken. I like to write about the good times, more then I do the bad. I can't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic. I like to think about all the great things that come with falling in love.

This blog's title, is a line form what now sits as my favorite song. Vesper's Goodbye by Nick Jonas and the Administration. The songs just beautiful, and raw.

I see it turning red
like a bullet through, the chest
lay me down to rest
it's a lover's final breath

It's on my list of songs I want to learn to play on piano. And no, don't start getting excited like, "Piano! I didn't know Zoey played piano!" because I don't. I took a couple lessons when I was younger so I know the basics. I can't read music at all. I play by ear. I teach myself on youtube. By ear. It's really hard, but hey, Paul McCartney can't read music, so eat that society!

Your thoughts are always welcome!

-Zo

This is Me!

I am a Jonas Head. A Jonatic. I'm a Kevinator (Kevin Jonas Fan), a Stayer (Nick Jonas Fan), and last but not least, a Joe Hoe (That one speaks for itself. Joe Jonas fan...)

I do not care what you think about that! This is me! I have been a Jonas Head since I was 10 years old. It was completely by chance. I went to that concert to see Hannah Montana, but I came out in love with three boys from New Jersey.

They taught me a lot about myself. When people think of the Jonas Brothers, they think of Disney pop and decide not to listen. They hear the music, they just don't listen to it. The don't understand that 'A Little Bit Longer' is an amazing, emotional piano piece about Nick's struggle with Type 1 Diabetes since the age of 13. They don't know how much the lyrics from 'Don't Speak' speak to me!

There's a lot that you don't notice
When you read between the lines
The future's out of focus
And blinded by the light
It's a hope for all the hopeless
In the worst of trying times
I resort to being speechless
So I'll avoid the lines! 

The picture above is from a great blog that ALL Jonas Heads should check out.

 http://whatjobrofansdo.tumblr.com/

They are NOT just a boy band. They actually have great music that has touched lives. Think about it for a minute. Have your heard their music, or have you listened to it?

                                                                 (Rose Garden. It made me cry)

                                                                  (A fun song)

I Used To Be Afraid of Letting Go, the Fragile Part of Me

I completely forgot to do my monthly ramble for May! I guess I'll do it now though. Better late then never! :D

I think it's strange how certain things seem to trigger memories that don't have anything to do with those memories, yet have everything to do with them. Like eating a cupcake with chocolate frosting, and remember sleepovers with your grandmother eating gram crackers with frosting on top and watching movies. Or reading a story that hits close to home enough that it makes you cry, even when it has NOTHING to do with what you're crying about. 

Do you ever feel... broken? That's how I've been feeling a lot lately. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm actually pretty happy for the most part. Yet I still feel... I don't know how I feel.

Is this making any sense? Sometimes I wonder why I even write thing kind of stuff  on here. So my friends can read about what a wreck I am? No thanks! But I still do it! You're probably reading this right now thinking, "Wow, I had no idea Zoey was such a nut job. She should invest in a therapist." or something similar to that. You know it's true.

The title to this ramble fits it perfectly, didn't you think? It's my favorite line from See No More, which I think I've talked about a lot on here lately.

-Zo

I Don't Wanna See No More!

So Joe Jonas has officially started his solo career! It took a few listens, but I actually kind of like the song! It's very... mainstream I guess is a good word to use. Definitely something that could make it on the top 40 list. It's not my favorite, but I'm being supportive because that's what Jonas fans to!

I really need some Jonas friends to hang out with/facebook. It's pretty lonely being the only Jonas Brothers fan in your whole town possibly! I need to get better at being friendly to fans at concerts. Maybe I'll end up with a Jonas friend I can hang out with.

Blogging cuz I'm bored,

-Zo

Story Anyone?

No, I'm not going to tell you my cat story. I'll save that for later. :) I'm going to tell you a little bit about my recent delve into the wonderful world of fanfiction. Fanfiction is just what it sounds like. Fans writing fictional stories about a certain topic. They're written about books, TV shows, and movies too. It's also written about celebrities and band. That's the kind I write. I write romance novels and short stories about the Jonas Brothers. I know it sounds silly, but it's a lot of fun. I've got one finished romance novel under my belt, and several short stories. Maybe I'll post a short story here for you guys sometimes.

And a little side note, I was wondering who actually reads this thing? I have over 500 page views, and I only know for sure a few people that have checked it out. Leave comments and tell me what you think! Let me know what you want to see on here this summer! Original songs? Short stories? The cat story? Let me know! I want to hear your suggestions. So leave a comment down bellow telling me what you think about the blog so far and what you want more off.

-Zo

The Begining of the End, or the End of the Begining?

Well, the school year's pretty much up. It makes me sad, and makes me happy. I'm sad this year ended with so many missed opportunities and regrets. I'm glad it's ending on a high note, and I have high hopes for summer. I'm also really scared, because next year's when it all starts to count. Not just on college applications, but in life. Growing up scares me. Sometimes I wish I was the little Jonas obsessed 5th grader who played four square and knew she was going to marry Joe Jonas, the craziest, hottest singer on the planet. I'm not her anymore though. I'm the shy, girl who talks to much about the Jonas Brothers even though everyone got over them a year ago. I'm the girl who has strange, crazy stories because she comes from a different background then most of her friends. I'm the girl who writes romance novels, and can do a pretty impressive Irish accent. I'm scared because it seems like it happened way too fast. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. That's just how I feel.

You're going to be hearing a LOT from me this summer, because when I get bored, I write. I hope you're in for some crazy, funny, and  sometimes even painful stories. This is gonna be a summer to remember, hopefully. Check back daily maybe, I might get that bored. Have a wonderful summer, I'll try to have one too.

-Zo

Fast Life

Have you ever been so excited for something, and waited so long for it, that you're actually sort of afraid of it happening? It's like that for me with Joe Jonas' solo album. I know, it's totally lame, but whatever. It's true. He's been teasing us, talking about how excited he is for it to come out. The first single, See No More (which he co-wrote with Chris Brown) hits the radio June 3rd. I'm totally terrified. I've built it up in my head so much, I'm scared I won't like it. What then? Then his whole solo album, Fast Life comes out September 6th. What if I don't like ANYTHING about his solo career? What will I do then?

Really?

So, rumors have been swirling all around the Internet because of this little picture...

Her names' Delta Goodrem. She's an Australian singer working with Nick in the beat lab (his name for his recording studio) on her new album. People are calling her all sorts of mean names because she's 26, and they may or may NOT be a couple. Some people need to grow up. If she makes Nick happy, then just be happy he's happy.

I used to do the same thing. When Joe Jonas dated Taylor Swift, i hated Taylor Swift. Then they broke up, and I realized she has really great music. I hated Camilla Belle. (Well, I didn't really like her before hand. but I hated her when she was dating Joe) I did the same thing during the first few months of Joe's relationship with Ashley Green. Then i saw how happy she made him, and I made a decision. If Joe's happy, I'm happy. Even thought I don't really like this girl, she makes Joe happy so I'll put up with it.

I'm not saying you have to love Delta and her music. I'm just saying to think about how awful Nick feels if they are dating, and he sees all those horrible. nasty, comments and tweets. It wouldn't be very great would it?  So you don't have to become her #1 fan or anything, but so show Delta some respect. What if you were in her shoes? WHat if you were in Nick's?

Muchness

"You've lost your muchness."

""My, muchness?"

"Yes! You were much muchier the first time!"

That's what the Mad Hatter said to Alice in the new Alice in Wonderland movie. I was thinking about that a lot last night. How, I've lost MY muchness. A year ago, I was much muchier. I think I've lost some of myself, some of what made me myself. I started hanging out with new people this school year. I was hoping I'd be more of myself with them. I'm actually less. I just want my muchness back! I want to be crazy, and off the wall. I'm sick of standing there, being quiet because I have no way to contribute to the conversation. I have a hard time relating to semi normal people I guess. And they have a hard rime relating to my quirky family and habits. I need to get my muchness back...