I Feel The Pain All Over My Body

When Joe Jonas sang I'm Sorry earlier this week, i was so excited. The second time I listened to it, I started bawling like a baby and thinking, "Joseph Adam Jonas, when did you start reading my mind?" I can relate directly to every single lyric on that song, which is different for me. I've never felt that before. If the songs about Demi (not that I really care, this is just an example) then I can relate to it in such an extreme way.

I was never a 'Jemi' supporter because I knew exactly what he was doing, the moment they confirmed they were dating. He gave in. Having a best friend that has a crush on you, is a delicate thing to deal with. Especially if the feelings aren't mutual. When I was younger, my guy best friend told me several times that he was sick of being just friend, He was "in love with me" as much as a 5th grader can be in love. Things became so awkward between us, I gave in and decided to try it. I hoped he'd either realize I wasn't right for him, or I would somehow start to feel the same.

Neither of those things happened. And a year later, we were in middle school, and things were changing. Couples were holding hands and hugging, not playing all the time at recess.That's when I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep leading him on. It wasn't fair to either of us. So I broke it off. He pretended he understood, but I know he didn't. He was angry, and hurt.

Things have never been the same between us. There's a small, awkward wall we've both built. I quietly tell him about the guys in my life, and he brags about the girls in his.  At school, I'm known as "the girl who dumped ______ in the sixth grade for a punk ass skater. Which isn't really true.

I can't stand the super Jemi fans, because they remind me of some of my friends that always say I'll end up marrying my guy best friend because deep down we're still in love.  We're not. He's my best friend, and nothing more. I hate when people tell us we should get back together. I don't want too. I love him as a friend. I can't love him the way he might love me.